My Paul Experience

So driving along driving along. Weeeeeooo weeeeeooo here comes the meat wagon.

So I get pulled over 100 feet from Jesse and mikes/meeshs. The officer of the law says to me that my exhaust is too loud. Kirkland cops just don't like "hot-rodders". So he gets my license and calls it in, within a second I hear a "code d40Niner" and the officer says "step out of the vehicle now, turn around and put your hands behind your back!" Shocked I say ummm what? But because he asked SO politely I comply, but I do find myself asking "uhhhhhh what am I being hand cuffed for." He says "you have a warrant for your arrest and your going to jail."

Uhhh confusion for me....... 3 weeks prior I just so happened to get a warrant QUASHED for missing a court date because I was on a missions trip in San Diego. Could this be the same thing? Well lets do a quick word study. The word QUASH, as weird as it is, would definitely clear a warrant for my arrest. The 30 minutes I talked with the judge gave me good reason to doubt that I was being arrested for something legitimate. I explain this to the officer, but it just so happened that someone hawked a loogie in his bowl of wheaties. Thanks a lot loogie dooooood.

Now being a VET. of the towing business I ask the officer to contact my friend Jesse so my vehicle doesn't get Hooked, (by a tow truck that is). He replies to me, "You Got One Shot At This". Well my 1st thought is o its no problem jesses house is a stones throw away from here. Literally no joke. Well in case you don't know, street names when referred to as "We're at the intersection of 1209900 Ave and 2264890 drive se.ne.pl.ct," don't make the most sense when the officer informs you that your friend is handcuffed in the car... but whatever my car deserved the hook. Almost as much as Willy needed to be free.

The ride to the jail = lovely.... "Big Brother" talks from my "Big Brother" cheer me up, especially when 10 minutes earlier "Big Brother" threatened me with being face first on the pavement, and continually asked me continuously on a continued basis, "You have WEED in that car?" Joyous..... But we bonded, "Big Brother" told me he drives a honda s2000. I just can't help but giggle, like the pink one from 2fast2furious? ("Big Brother for the slower people is the cop)
Arrival at Issaquah jail... (the Hilton of jails) wearing cuffs is super uncomfortable...... removal of them = heaven. The clothing change = more heaven.... who wants to wear normal clothes when you can wear the notorious B.I.G.S blue xxxxl vneck shirt and sweats/parachutepants/oldnavies. Toss in the o so sweet orange feet? My one phone call turned into 20 when a cousin denied, and the parentals decided to use dial up internetz for the 1st time.... regardless I found out that bail is refundable...... A G!!!!! O man a G for me to get out and be free, and not have to plea to not pay a fee to pee or make sure I don't get stung like a bee in the B. Wow, that was organic and raw.....

Next the long walk down the hallway in the Isssaquah Jail with my mattress and blanket.... I was greeted with a warm welcome. "Don't sleep on your Stomach newbie... Don't do it." I found myself on a bunk bed next to my great uncle from Utah and Jose on a stick. For some unexplained reason the words 'dibs on top bunk," couldn't be said.... Meanwhile I waited patiently for the phone in the corner to clear out.

Alas, my $12 dollar phone call brought about GREAT news, I'm getting bailed out. HECK YES, I'm so worth more than a G btw. Climbing back onto my bunk bed seemed so much better with that in my mind....

So macho-man-Mandy-savage, as I think I've officially nicknamed him, approaches me and says my fave thing ever, the clique "what you in here for..." Murdered a dog, stole my grandmas cane, stole a meerkat from the zoo pop into my mind.... what comes out is the word I mentioned earlier..... "QUASH." A select choice of words and stories inform me this 18 year old kid has made it his goal to be as "tuff" as he can. Makes sense when there is no differentiation between his elbow, his wrist, or his bicep. He goes back to his pushups he was doing before he talked.... All 10 of them. Then machomanmandy paces around for 10 and forces a few more. I wish I knew that kids name... I'd name my 1st Dog after him.

So my uncle from utah decides to speak up and say something intelligent. Refreshing, someone in this place isn't mouthing off, pretending to be tuff, doing halfups, or watching cops, in jail..... (tips and ideas of what not to do???) Well He asks me something legit. What do you do for a living.... I reply, well last 2 years, interning at a church. He laughes, "well what the heck are you in here for?" I laugh too, and say I don't know... 10 minutes later, intercom dude says "Tanner Stewart." Everyone informs me its time for my photoshoot....

Is smiling in a mugshot illegal? No but it sure doesn't make sense.... when did I start doing things that made sense? Mmmmmk now getting my finger prints was TIGHT! Holding hands with an enormous man not so TIGHT.... keeping my hands relaxed so he could do the manicure was difficult... I mean that guy was huge.... But that cop was actually legit.... both of those dudes. One guy actually mentions that he's been to City Church. Small world....

On my WAY back I decide to grab a bible...... Opening it up I decide to read colossians, something about reading something written in jail for faith could bring me some faith to my unwarranted arrest.... Uncle from Utah says, you like reading the bible huh? I can't help but reply with a "ya, best book ever...." 20 minutes go by of Uncle and I talking about life, and small town life and why rocking a mullet is all about the best of both worlds. "Business in the front and party in the back," got me a fist pound w/explosion in jail.... Now who can say that's happened to them? me.

The words "Tanner pack your mattress and your stuff," made me think not now.... I'm starting to enjoy this place........... the smells, the sounds, the promise of a breakfast (greuhl nothing but greuhl) in 12................. psyche. As cool as fist-bump-explosions are with uncle utah I can't help but be stoked on this..... I sign 3 pieces of paper and remove my jumpsuit, get handed the face of an amazing persons drivers license. The officer says "this is who bailed you out!" I'm so thankful...... SO thankful for the 3 smiling faces that I was greeted with after the big buzzn door said goodbye to me...As a parting gift for my freedom I was given the best gift I could have received after my life in the clink. Stewarts root beer..... CHEERS CHEERS CHEERS

Ps. Spencer saved my life when he decided to host me in his casa!!!!!!!!! Thanx spence! Thanx to Gina, leslie and joanna for saving me.. THANK YOU to jesse for being the man behind the lines, calling everyone you could! Sorry to Barok for bailing on you, but my hands were tied.... literally

AND ADDITION TO THE STORY...

I went into the courthouse to deal with the ticket and the arrest itself. I talked with the judge after waiting for about 2 hours and mention to her that I got arrested. Surprise enters her voice. "You got ARRESTED? I quashed the warrant. I'm so sorry Tanner that you got arrested, I dont know how the warrant got issued. It should not have happend. So I'll drop the ticket." snaps... through all of this, something good happens!!!