100. He lived in Capitol Hill
99. He can often be seen in bright red, yellow, purple, teal, orange, pink, blue, and green.
98. He is a real vegan
97. His profession will be GREEN architect
96. He zips His coat up on the left
95. He has more style and swagger then most girls
94. He owns 99 percent shoes with no laces
93. He wears multiple "assorted" bracelets and necklaces
92. He rides a bicycle
91. A teal bicycle
90. He wears Capris, not shorts
89. He cuts his own hair, and others hair
88. He owns spandex
87. He had a rat tail
86. He went to Seattle Central Community College on Capitol Hill
85. He enjoys going to Green Fest
84. He isn't hairy
83. He has enormous amounts of energy
82. He drives a Toyota Rav4
81. A Sapphire Rav4 named Danny the Dinosaur
80. He owns a Zune
79. His computer is freakishly small
78. He is considering getting a surgical beauty mark.
77. His hair is constantly changing
76. He likes cigars
75. He loves the movie Romi and Michelle’s High School reunion
74. He doesn't eat hydrogenation, or MSG
73. He loves to summersault and cartwheel
72. He plays with the orange color during Settlers of Catan
71. He has large soft hands
70. Gay guys love him
69. He eats the "Real" peanut butter. Maranatha
69. He rides a polka dotted Longboard
68. He loves cats more than dogs
67. He loves smoothies from Jamba Juice, Emerald City, and Bubble Tea
66. He drinks rice milk latte’s
65. He was a barista at Seattle's best in downtown Seattle
64. He wears real skinny jeans
63. He irons his jeans, and cotton t-shirts.
62. He rides a Moped, with a Spaceballs looking helmet
61. His dream is to swim with Michael Phelps
60. He gets a veggie burrito with no cheese and no sour cream at Chipotle
59. He loves Luna bars
58. He is artsy and creative
57. He loves PCC, but Trader Joe’s more
56. He is deathly afraid of bulldozers
55. He attracts all the hottest ladies
54. He is good at sewing
53. He listens to Mika on his Zune
52. He used to love wine coolers and mikes hard lemonade
51. He went through AA
50. He has a purple mini Etch-a-Sketch that He is good at
49. He owns 40+ scarves, among these are his great grandmothers doilies
48. His wallet is cute and metal like his SIGG water bottle
47. His closet is color coordinated
46. He has only 2 sisters
45. He owns specialty combs, lavender color
44. He gets lychee instead of tapioca in his bubble tea
43. He wears multiple rings as well as a pinky ring
42. He has Carrie Underwood on his Zune.
41. He's related to Liberace
40. He has glow and the dark stars on his wall
39. He loves Burt and Ernie
38. He has had extensive laser hair removal on the parts of him that are hairy
37. His favorite animal is the macaque
36. His tattoo quotes mother Mary
35. His voice cracks when he's excited.
34. He favorite actresses are Barbra Streisand and Rosie O’Donnell
33. He owns Clay Aiken's Measure of a Man on limited edition vinyl converted to Zune
32. He wears only whitie tighties
31. His custodial shirt has no sleeves
30. He is a salad shooter
29. His favorite dance is the funky chicken and the tango
28. His mail comes in pink envelopes
27. His shower has 4 different kinds of shampoo and conditioner
26. His favorite shampoo is Herbal Essences
25. His 1st job was a lemonade stand
24. His favorite water is Evian
23. He drives with the AC on, all the time
22. At a hotel he sleeps on the window bed
21. He is very talented at skipping, frolicking and speed walking
20. He owns authentic Elton John glasses
19. He cried during the Lion King
18. He plays a banjo
17. He has a man-crush on Jean Claude Van Damme
16. He is flexible and limber allowing him to do the splits
15. His favorite character on the office is Oscar, closely followed by Jim
14. He participates in the Freemont bike parade
13. His favorite worship song is “I am a Friend of God”
12. His favorite fruit is Passion Fruit
11. He uses 12 squirts from a cologne bottle
10. He hates Richard Simmons
9. He is addicted to shopping online
8. He has a garden full of lettuce, broccoli, and artichokes
7. He was saved in a gay bar
6. He is a democratic lib
5. He only grows a neck beard.
4. He is closer to his Mom
3. His favorite character on lost is Daniel Farraday, because of the dreamy eyes
2. He pee's sitting down
1. He is a true friend who actually listens to you, and cares about your opinion
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
What is the Best Cartoon?
I just recently found Rocko's Modern Life online... This was one of my fave shows growing up and still today makes me laugh! There is a large amount of "adult" jokes placed throughout the episodes... Its actually pretty amusing. This made me think though.What is the best cartoon from my childhood era? Here is the list as of follows. If you believe something should be added to the list. go ahead! but none of this new cartoon crap....
Rocko's Modern Life
Doug
Ahh Real Monsters
Hey Arnold
The Angry Beavers
CatDog
Animaniacs
Rugrats
DarkWingDuck
Duck Tails
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
TailSpin
Tom and Jerry
Ren and Stimpy?
There are a few cartoons I'd love to add but I'm trying my best to keep this to a list of shows I watched! ADD whatever you want to the list
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
If Anyone Could Survive The Crucifixion...
Today in class, Casey said that there are people who believe that Jesus ACTUALLY survived the crucifixion, faked his death after being BRUTALLY flogged, beaten, and crucified. Then while in the grave, unwrapped himself from the death linens and said "surprise" to the disciples… This made me think...
If anyone in this modern world could survive the crucifixion that even Jesus couldn’t, who would it be?
Here is the list in no particular order. (WARNING… this is a joke, don’t take me seriously, I am aware no one would survive)
50 Cent
Rambo
Chuck Norris
Bear Grylls
Truman from the Truman Show
Crocodile Dundee
Dude from Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Tiger Woods
Bond (Daniel Craig)
My Grandpa
My Dad
John McClane aka Bruce Willis (from Die Hard)
Russian guy from Die Hard
Steve Irwin
Richard Brurnory
Fitty has been shot 8 times including in the dome and he's still alive. I think the fact that he would be publicly naked would give him some more incentive to try and stay alive so he could boast about his bullet wounds as well as being a "blessed" black man. But from a big assortment of council I’ve been told he would cry like a little baby… so because of the unanimous vote, he’s off the list.
Rambo is quite possible the toughest movie character... I say honestly Rambo could do it, but Sylvester Stallone is like 3 feet tall and I envision the toughest man alive to be a bit taller than that. If it was Rambo AND Rocky combined we’d have a winnerchickendinner…
John McClane lives through the Gnarliest stuff ever, when it comes to movies. But the fact that he went from normal cop from ny in the 1st movie to 10 years later a guy who is jumping cars into helicopters is UNREALISTIC! So Bruce, you’re out…
The Russian dude that got hung from the chains in the 1st Die Hard did hang dead for like a long time and come back, BUT Bruce Willis got him....
Truman from The Truman Show was a suggestion from Spencer but come on; the pain he experienced is a bit different from the pain of a crucifixion..... Plus he cried too much.
Crocodile Dundee is a possibility to the list but the third movie just ruined me on him being a tough GUY.... Tough guys don’t live in LA.
Mentally Tiger Woods could bear the pain, but his Buddhist breathing technique for golfing couldn’t keep him alive longer than a normal person.
Steve Irwin... This guy survived everything but..... The sting ray. (RIP STEVE, you were the man, I feel bad for using your name but you were a GNAR man)
Dude from Between a Rock and a Hard Place. You did cut your arm off bro, BUT you can’t really crucify a 1 armed man… so you would have been stuck on a stick… ugh and you wouldn't have lived through that. Up the Yin and out the Yang.
BOND! James Bond. He never dies, never loses fully and the newest Bond (Daniel Craig) just so happens to take a pretty brutal beating in Casino Royale…. If you haven’t seen it, its something you might not want to watch…. Although Bond is the definite choice for this…. I cannot choose him simply because the DaVinci code would become reality when Bond finally got off the cross to swoop Mary Magdalene off her feet.
Richard Brunory. This man could kill you with one solid swoop of a thumbs up.... His eyes and gaze could melt the steel that airplane fuel cant. He is quite possibly the toughest guy in TCC. (For all of you who don’t know, Richard is the Facility Manager of The City Church). I do think Richard could handle the pain, but he's a bit past his prime. I think Richard 20 years ago may have been the answer to my pondering but forgive me for saying this but he's not quite capable in the age he is.... Richard if you read this, I do respect you but the crucifixion would be too much, even if you are the toughest MAN in TCC.
Chuck Norris. What can else can be said about Chuck... He has entire websites devoted to claim his name.... I really do believe the Chuck Norris we all joke and talk about could survive. IN REALITY the REAL Chuck Norris is the Total Body Gym infomercial ad GUY. This gave me a new perspective to Chuck... Trying to sell a pulley powered work out machine while wearing spandex tights totally ruins me on being the toughest man alive.... Chuck from Missing In Action or EARLY Walker Texas Ranger may be the real deal BUT that’s just fantasy.
My Grandpa Jerry, beside my dad is the toughest guy I know. In his 20’s he shot himself in the head with a gun… The bullet is still in his head, and he still alive. Not only that, he eats good ol bacon, ham and pork chops on a daily basis. Drinks a good 3 pots of BLACK coffee a day. He has smoked 2+ packs of cigs for 50 years. He chews Copenhagen, drank for 40 years, and he’s still living the life. However my grandpa would welcome the end, so he could get his real teeth back.
My dad. So every young boy thinks their dad is the toughest man alive…. I really do think my dad is quite possibly the toughest guy I know. But plainly, if my dad was being crucified, I’d put him out of his misery, Last of the Mohicans style…. Love ya Dad.
THE final answer to the question is....dingdingding.
Bear Grylls.
Toughest man known to the modern world... Bear has survived more gnarly situations then any person that we currently KNOW of. Regardless of the fact that he may secretly eat foot, drink water or have people with him, I think the stuff he does, no one else can do. I do think that survivorman is equally as good at surviving, BUT Bear Grylss is just Gnar. He could give the other thieves tips on how to control their breathing to keep their heart going longer. Not only that, but he would be in his prime of nakedness, Bear Gryls loves being naked, however he wouldn’t be able to do jumping jacks or push ups because he would be nailed to the cross. Even when the Roman soldiers would come to break his legs, he would use his fox like reflexes to dodge the club. Bear Grylls you are a modern day marvel.
From the Genius of Ethan Salinas. “Bear Grylls would find a way to survive...”
Bear Grylls we salute you!
If anyone in this modern world could survive the crucifixion that even Jesus couldn’t, who would it be?
Here is the list in no particular order. (WARNING… this is a joke, don’t take me seriously, I am aware no one would survive)
50 Cent
Rambo
Chuck Norris
Bear Grylls
Truman from the Truman Show
Crocodile Dundee
Dude from Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Tiger Woods
Bond (Daniel Craig)
My Grandpa
My Dad
John McClane aka Bruce Willis (from Die Hard)
Russian guy from Die Hard
Steve Irwin
Richard Brurnory
Fitty has been shot 8 times including in the dome and he's still alive. I think the fact that he would be publicly naked would give him some more incentive to try and stay alive so he could boast about his bullet wounds as well as being a "blessed" black man. But from a big assortment of council I’ve been told he would cry like a little baby… so because of the unanimous vote, he’s off the list.
Rambo is quite possible the toughest movie character... I say honestly Rambo could do it, but Sylvester Stallone is like 3 feet tall and I envision the toughest man alive to be a bit taller than that. If it was Rambo AND Rocky combined we’d have a winnerchickendinner…
John McClane lives through the Gnarliest stuff ever, when it comes to movies. But the fact that he went from normal cop from ny in the 1st movie to 10 years later a guy who is jumping cars into helicopters is UNREALISTIC! So Bruce, you’re out…
The Russian dude that got hung from the chains in the 1st Die Hard did hang dead for like a long time and come back, BUT Bruce Willis got him....
Truman from The Truman Show was a suggestion from Spencer but come on; the pain he experienced is a bit different from the pain of a crucifixion..... Plus he cried too much.
Crocodile Dundee is a possibility to the list but the third movie just ruined me on him being a tough GUY.... Tough guys don’t live in LA.
Mentally Tiger Woods could bear the pain, but his Buddhist breathing technique for golfing couldn’t keep him alive longer than a normal person.
Steve Irwin... This guy survived everything but..... The sting ray. (RIP STEVE, you were the man, I feel bad for using your name but you were a GNAR man)
Dude from Between a Rock and a Hard Place. You did cut your arm off bro, BUT you can’t really crucify a 1 armed man… so you would have been stuck on a stick… ugh and you wouldn't have lived through that. Up the Yin and out the Yang.
BOND! James Bond. He never dies, never loses fully and the newest Bond (Daniel Craig) just so happens to take a pretty brutal beating in Casino Royale…. If you haven’t seen it, its something you might not want to watch…. Although Bond is the definite choice for this…. I cannot choose him simply because the DaVinci code would become reality when Bond finally got off the cross to swoop Mary Magdalene off her feet.
Richard Brunory. This man could kill you with one solid swoop of a thumbs up.... His eyes and gaze could melt the steel that airplane fuel cant. He is quite possibly the toughest guy in TCC. (For all of you who don’t know, Richard is the Facility Manager of The City Church). I do think Richard could handle the pain, but he's a bit past his prime. I think Richard 20 years ago may have been the answer to my pondering but forgive me for saying this but he's not quite capable in the age he is.... Richard if you read this, I do respect you but the crucifixion would be too much, even if you are the toughest MAN in TCC.
Chuck Norris. What can else can be said about Chuck... He has entire websites devoted to claim his name.... I really do believe the Chuck Norris we all joke and talk about could survive. IN REALITY the REAL Chuck Norris is the Total Body Gym infomercial ad GUY. This gave me a new perspective to Chuck... Trying to sell a pulley powered work out machine while wearing spandex tights totally ruins me on being the toughest man alive.... Chuck from Missing In Action or EARLY Walker Texas Ranger may be the real deal BUT that’s just fantasy.
My Grandpa Jerry, beside my dad is the toughest guy I know. In his 20’s he shot himself in the head with a gun… The bullet is still in his head, and he still alive. Not only that, he eats good ol bacon, ham and pork chops on a daily basis. Drinks a good 3 pots of BLACK coffee a day. He has smoked 2+ packs of cigs for 50 years. He chews Copenhagen, drank for 40 years, and he’s still living the life. However my grandpa would welcome the end, so he could get his real teeth back.
My dad. So every young boy thinks their dad is the toughest man alive…. I really do think my dad is quite possibly the toughest guy I know. But plainly, if my dad was being crucified, I’d put him out of his misery, Last of the Mohicans style…. Love ya Dad.
THE final answer to the question is....dingdingding.
Bear Grylls.
Toughest man known to the modern world... Bear has survived more gnarly situations then any person that we currently KNOW of. Regardless of the fact that he may secretly eat foot, drink water or have people with him, I think the stuff he does, no one else can do. I do think that survivorman is equally as good at surviving, BUT Bear Grylss is just Gnar. He could give the other thieves tips on how to control their breathing to keep their heart going longer. Not only that, but he would be in his prime of nakedness, Bear Gryls loves being naked, however he wouldn’t be able to do jumping jacks or push ups because he would be nailed to the cross. Even when the Roman soldiers would come to break his legs, he would use his fox like reflexes to dodge the club. Bear Grylls you are a modern day marvel.
From the Genius of Ethan Salinas. “Bear Grylls would find a way to survive...”
Bear Grylls we salute you!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Red Sox to sweep yankees in 3 game series
In case you didn't know, I love baseball and I've been a Red Sox fan for about 10 years. Since about 1998, or so... WAY BEFORE the bandwagon hopping started. So tonight is game three of the potential sweep of the Yankees for the Red Sox, and man have these last two games been satisfying! Winning off a walk off 2 run deficit in the bottom of 9 off of Rivera, then seeing Lowell with 6 rbi's... so sick! Its a good time to be a Sox fan. Tonight could be the 10th win in a row for the Sox and I think Justin Masterson has a good chance of getting the win with how the Red Sox bats have been these last few days. I'm going to be posting these blogs on somewhat of a daily basis for my website, so they'll be linked here as well as a small intro on the site itself!
Yesterday I had a rough day. It was great fun, because I shot a Sr. portrait session with Victoria for graduation. The rough part of the day was the driving. I drove from the plateau to the UD. 30 minutes. This was followed by driving to the Arboretum which because of the Montlake bridge going up, took 45 minutes. Then from there we drove back to the UD campus, but this time it only took 5 minutes. We got back in the car after about an hour of shooting to head off to Magnolia. 20 minute drive from UD. After shooting in Magnolia for about 45 minutes we drove from there back to the UD. another 20 minute drive. I then had to drive from the UD, back to the plateau to pick up a TCC van to drive to the AIRPORT to pick up the team returning from DC. So that's another 30 minutes of driving. Pick up the team and drive back to the Plateau. 30 MORE MINUTES. Then the van had to be returned from there back to Kirkland for use on Sunday morning. 30 MORE MINUTES. Pam, the trooper that she is was waiting for me to drive be back to the Plateau. All together, I DROVE 6 + hours. SO RIDICULOUS!!!!!!
Yesterday I had a rough day. It was great fun, because I shot a Sr. portrait session with Victoria for graduation. The rough part of the day was the driving. I drove from the plateau to the UD. 30 minutes. This was followed by driving to the Arboretum which because of the Montlake bridge going up, took 45 minutes. Then from there we drove back to the UD campus, but this time it only took 5 minutes. We got back in the car after about an hour of shooting to head off to Magnolia. 20 minute drive from UD. After shooting in Magnolia for about 45 minutes we drove from there back to the UD. another 20 minute drive. I then had to drive from the UD, back to the plateau to pick up a TCC van to drive to the AIRPORT to pick up the team returning from DC. So that's another 30 minutes of driving. Pick up the team and drive back to the Plateau. 30 MORE MINUTES. Then the van had to be returned from there back to Kirkland for use on Sunday morning. 30 MORE MINUTES. Pam, the trooper that she is was waiting for me to drive be back to the Plateau. All together, I DROVE 6 + hours. SO RIDICULOUS!!!!!!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
My Paul Experience
So driving along driving along. Weeeeeooo weeeeeooo here comes the meat wagon.
So I get pulled over 100 feet from Jesse and mikes/meeshs. The officer of the law says to me that my exhaust is too loud. Kirkland cops just don't like "hot-rodders". So he gets my license and calls it in, within a second I hear a "code d40Niner" and the officer says "step out of the vehicle now, turn around and put your hands behind your back!" Shocked I say ummm what? But because he asked SO politely I comply, but I do find myself asking "uhhhhhh what am I being hand cuffed for." He says "you have a warrant for your arrest and your going to jail."
Uhhh confusion for me....... 3 weeks prior I just so happened to get a warrant QUASHED for missing a court date because I was on a missions trip in San Diego. Could this be the same thing? Well lets do a quick word study. The word QUASH, as weird as it is, would definitely clear a warrant for my arrest. The 30 minutes I talked with the judge gave me good reason to doubt that I was being arrested for something legitimate. I explain this to the officer, but it just so happened that someone hawked a loogie in his bowl of wheaties. Thanks a lot loogie dooooood.
Now being a VET. of the towing business I ask the officer to contact my friend Jesse so my vehicle doesn't get Hooked, (by a tow truck that is). He replies to me, "You Got One Shot At This". Well my 1st thought is o its no problem jesses house is a stones throw away from here. Literally no joke. Well in case you don't know, street names when referred to as "We're at the intersection of 1209900 Ave and 2264890 drive se.ne.pl.ct," don't make the most sense when the officer informs you that your friend is handcuffed in the car... but whatever my car deserved the hook. Almost as much as Willy needed to be free.
The ride to the jail = lovely.... "Big Brother" talks from my "Big Brother" cheer me up, especially when 10 minutes earlier "Big Brother" threatened me with being face first on the pavement, and continually asked me continuously on a continued basis, "You have WEED in that car?" Joyous..... But we bonded, "Big Brother" told me he drives a honda s2000. I just can't help but giggle, like the pink one from 2fast2furious? ("Big Brother for the slower people is the cop)
Arrival at Issaquah jail... (the Hilton of jails) wearing cuffs is super uncomfortable...... removal of them = heaven. The clothing change = more heaven.... who wants to wear normal clothes when you can wear the notorious B.I.G.S blue xxxxl vneck shirt and sweats/parachutepants/oldnavies. Toss in the o so sweet orange feet? My one phone call turned into 20 when a cousin denied, and the parentals decided to use dial up internetz for the 1st time.... regardless I found out that bail is refundable...... A G!!!!! O man a G for me to get out and be free, and not have to plea to not pay a fee to pee or make sure I don't get stung like a bee in the B. Wow, that was organic and raw.....
Next the long walk down the hallway in the Isssaquah Jail with my mattress and blanket.... I was greeted with a warm welcome. "Don't sleep on your Stomach newbie... Don't do it." I found myself on a bunk bed next to my great uncle from Utah and Jose on a stick. For some unexplained reason the words 'dibs on top bunk," couldn't be said.... Meanwhile I waited patiently for the phone in the corner to clear out.
Alas, my $12 dollar phone call brought about GREAT news, I'm getting bailed out. HECK YES, I'm so worth more than a G btw. Climbing back onto my bunk bed seemed so much better with that in my mind....
So macho-man-Mandy-savage, as I think I've officially nicknamed him, approaches me and says my fave thing ever, the clique "what you in here for..." Murdered a dog, stole my grandmas cane, stole a meerkat from the zoo pop into my mind.... what comes out is the word I mentioned earlier..... "QUASH." A select choice of words and stories inform me this 18 year old kid has made it his goal to be as "tuff" as he can. Makes sense when there is no differentiation between his elbow, his wrist, or his bicep. He goes back to his pushups he was doing before he talked.... All 10 of them. Then machomanmandy paces around for 10 and forces a few more. I wish I knew that kids name... I'd name my 1st Dog after him.
So my uncle from utah decides to speak up and say something intelligent. Refreshing, someone in this place isn't mouthing off, pretending to be tuff, doing halfups, or watching cops, in jail..... (tips and ideas of what not to do???) Well He asks me something legit. What do you do for a living.... I reply, well last 2 years, interning at a church. He laughes, "well what the heck are you in here for?" I laugh too, and say I don't know... 10 minutes later, intercom dude says "Tanner Stewart." Everyone informs me its time for my photoshoot....
Is smiling in a mugshot illegal? No but it sure doesn't make sense.... when did I start doing things that made sense? Mmmmmk now getting my finger prints was TIGHT! Holding hands with an enormous man not so TIGHT.... keeping my hands relaxed so he could do the manicure was difficult... I mean that guy was huge.... But that cop was actually legit.... both of those dudes. One guy actually mentions that he's been to City Church. Small world....
On my WAY back I decide to grab a bible...... Opening it up I decide to read colossians, something about reading something written in jail for faith could bring me some faith to my unwarranted arrest.... Uncle from Utah says, you like reading the bible huh? I can't help but reply with a "ya, best book ever...." 20 minutes go by of Uncle and I talking about life, and small town life and why rocking a mullet is all about the best of both worlds. "Business in the front and party in the back," got me a fist pound w/explosion in jail.... Now who can say that's happened to them? me.
The words "Tanner pack your mattress and your stuff," made me think not now.... I'm starting to enjoy this place........... the smells, the sounds, the promise of a breakfast (greuhl nothing but greuhl) in 12................. psyche. As cool as fist-bump-explosions are with uncle utah I can't help but be stoked on this..... I sign 3 pieces of paper and remove my jumpsuit, get handed the face of an amazing persons drivers license. The officer says "this is who bailed you out!" I'm so thankful...... SO thankful for the 3 smiling faces that I was greeted with after the big buzzn door said goodbye to me...As a parting gift for my freedom I was given the best gift I could have received after my life in the clink. Stewarts root beer..... CHEERS CHEERS CHEERS
Ps. Spencer saved my life when he decided to host me in his casa!!!!!!!!! Thanx spence! Thanx to Gina, leslie and joanna for saving me.. THANK YOU to jesse for being the man behind the lines, calling everyone you could! Sorry to Barok for bailing on you, but my hands were tied.... literally
AND ADDITION TO THE STORY...
I went into the courthouse to deal with the ticket and the arrest itself. I talked with the judge after waiting for about 2 hours and mention to her that I got arrested. Surprise enters her voice. "You got ARRESTED? I quashed the warrant. I'm so sorry Tanner that you got arrested, I dont know how the warrant got issued. It should not have happend. So I'll drop the ticket." snaps... through all of this, something good happens!!!
So I get pulled over 100 feet from Jesse and mikes/meeshs. The officer of the law says to me that my exhaust is too loud. Kirkland cops just don't like "hot-rodders". So he gets my license and calls it in, within a second I hear a "code d40Niner" and the officer says "step out of the vehicle now, turn around and put your hands behind your back!" Shocked I say ummm what? But because he asked SO politely I comply, but I do find myself asking "uhhhhhh what am I being hand cuffed for." He says "you have a warrant for your arrest and your going to jail."
Uhhh confusion for me....... 3 weeks prior I just so happened to get a warrant QUASHED for missing a court date because I was on a missions trip in San Diego. Could this be the same thing? Well lets do a quick word study. The word QUASH, as weird as it is, would definitely clear a warrant for my arrest. The 30 minutes I talked with the judge gave me good reason to doubt that I was being arrested for something legitimate. I explain this to the officer, but it just so happened that someone hawked a loogie in his bowl of wheaties. Thanks a lot loogie dooooood.
Now being a VET. of the towing business I ask the officer to contact my friend Jesse so my vehicle doesn't get Hooked, (by a tow truck that is). He replies to me, "You Got One Shot At This". Well my 1st thought is o its no problem jesses house is a stones throw away from here. Literally no joke. Well in case you don't know, street names when referred to as "We're at the intersection of 1209900 Ave and 2264890 drive se.ne.pl.ct," don't make the most sense when the officer informs you that your friend is handcuffed in the car... but whatever my car deserved the hook. Almost as much as Willy needed to be free.
The ride to the jail = lovely.... "Big Brother" talks from my "Big Brother" cheer me up, especially when 10 minutes earlier "Big Brother" threatened me with being face first on the pavement, and continually asked me continuously on a continued basis, "You have WEED in that car?" Joyous..... But we bonded, "Big Brother" told me he drives a honda s2000. I just can't help but giggle, like the pink one from 2fast2furious? ("Big Brother for the slower people is the cop)
Arrival at Issaquah jail... (the Hilton of jails) wearing cuffs is super uncomfortable...... removal of them = heaven. The clothing change = more heaven.... who wants to wear normal clothes when you can wear the notorious B.I.G.S blue xxxxl vneck shirt and sweats/parachutepants/oldnavies. Toss in the o so sweet orange feet? My one phone call turned into 20 when a cousin denied, and the parentals decided to use dial up internetz for the 1st time.... regardless I found out that bail is refundable...... A G!!!!! O man a G for me to get out and be free, and not have to plea to not pay a fee to pee or make sure I don't get stung like a bee in the B. Wow, that was organic and raw.....
Next the long walk down the hallway in the Isssaquah Jail with my mattress and blanket.... I was greeted with a warm welcome. "Don't sleep on your Stomach newbie... Don't do it." I found myself on a bunk bed next to my great uncle from Utah and Jose on a stick. For some unexplained reason the words 'dibs on top bunk," couldn't be said.... Meanwhile I waited patiently for the phone in the corner to clear out.
Alas, my $12 dollar phone call brought about GREAT news, I'm getting bailed out. HECK YES, I'm so worth more than a G btw. Climbing back onto my bunk bed seemed so much better with that in my mind....
So macho-man-Mandy-savage, as I think I've officially nicknamed him, approaches me and says my fave thing ever, the clique "what you in here for..." Murdered a dog, stole my grandmas cane, stole a meerkat from the zoo pop into my mind.... what comes out is the word I mentioned earlier..... "QUASH." A select choice of words and stories inform me this 18 year old kid has made it his goal to be as "tuff" as he can. Makes sense when there is no differentiation between his elbow, his wrist, or his bicep. He goes back to his pushups he was doing before he talked.... All 10 of them. Then machomanmandy paces around for 10 and forces a few more. I wish I knew that kids name... I'd name my 1st Dog after him.
So my uncle from utah decides to speak up and say something intelligent. Refreshing, someone in this place isn't mouthing off, pretending to be tuff, doing halfups, or watching cops, in jail..... (tips and ideas of what not to do???) Well He asks me something legit. What do you do for a living.... I reply, well last 2 years, interning at a church. He laughes, "well what the heck are you in here for?" I laugh too, and say I don't know... 10 minutes later, intercom dude says "Tanner Stewart." Everyone informs me its time for my photoshoot....
Is smiling in a mugshot illegal? No but it sure doesn't make sense.... when did I start doing things that made sense? Mmmmmk now getting my finger prints was TIGHT! Holding hands with an enormous man not so TIGHT.... keeping my hands relaxed so he could do the manicure was difficult... I mean that guy was huge.... But that cop was actually legit.... both of those dudes. One guy actually mentions that he's been to City Church. Small world....
On my WAY back I decide to grab a bible...... Opening it up I decide to read colossians, something about reading something written in jail for faith could bring me some faith to my unwarranted arrest.... Uncle from Utah says, you like reading the bible huh? I can't help but reply with a "ya, best book ever...." 20 minutes go by of Uncle and I talking about life, and small town life and why rocking a mullet is all about the best of both worlds. "Business in the front and party in the back," got me a fist pound w/explosion in jail.... Now who can say that's happened to them? me.
The words "Tanner pack your mattress and your stuff," made me think not now.... I'm starting to enjoy this place........... the smells, the sounds, the promise of a breakfast (greuhl nothing but greuhl) in 12................. psyche. As cool as fist-bump-explosions are with uncle utah I can't help but be stoked on this..... I sign 3 pieces of paper and remove my jumpsuit, get handed the face of an amazing persons drivers license. The officer says "this is who bailed you out!" I'm so thankful...... SO thankful for the 3 smiling faces that I was greeted with after the big buzzn door said goodbye to me...As a parting gift for my freedom I was given the best gift I could have received after my life in the clink. Stewarts root beer..... CHEERS CHEERS CHEERS
Ps. Spencer saved my life when he decided to host me in his casa!!!!!!!!! Thanx spence! Thanx to Gina, leslie and joanna for saving me.. THANK YOU to jesse for being the man behind the lines, calling everyone you could! Sorry to Barok for bailing on you, but my hands were tied.... literally
AND ADDITION TO THE STORY...
I went into the courthouse to deal with the ticket and the arrest itself. I talked with the judge after waiting for about 2 hours and mention to her that I got arrested. Surprise enters her voice. "You got ARRESTED? I quashed the warrant. I'm so sorry Tanner that you got arrested, I dont know how the warrant got issued. It should not have happend. So I'll drop the ticket." snaps... through all of this, something good happens!!!
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